A dream or divinity

It was strange, but but for some reason this evening, while I was at an activity tonight with some Spanish friends, I suddenly realized that I was glowingly happy. Really. It's strange, because I didn't even realize it until I thought, Wow! Why can't I stop smiling? I just wanted to sing (which I actually did since we were practicing for our choir... which will perform on Sunday!!!) and give everyone hugs!

There are many contributing factors: I talked to my sister today. I received a beautiful card with inspirational quotes I definitely needed to read in the mail from an amazing woman who I love dearly. I had a great day with my classes (things seem to be much better this week now that they are done with their exams...). And I have been feeling extra blessed, protected and loved lately, which is rather amazing.

But mostly I think it is because this weekend I experienced this:

The pictures I took cannot even begin to capture the magnificence of La Sagrada Familia or any of the other incredible Gaudí creations I was lucky enough to experience with weekend in Barcelona. But I know that being surrounded by this incredible and truly inspired beauty touched my soul and changed my view of the world by exposing me to something so ethereal and yet so grand and magnificent. There is no way to see this inexplicable masterpiece and deny that there was something greater than man behind its creation.

I am still stunned. Just thinking about it leaves me speechless and jubilant!

Add one more to the list

I am also grateful for this beautiful work of art from a girl I knew once upon a time in college. She is an incredible woman, and I have been inspired by her since we first had a class together a few years ago. Now, she is a beautiful mother and an inspiring artist who has created this lovely tribute to a some strong, faithful, independent, and generally amazing women who inspire her. I love it!

The women in my life have always been a vital part of changing me, influencing me, inspiring me and helping me in basically every conceivable way. I am convinced that there is a power in sisterhood that we have only barely begun to tap into or understand. I love that. I love the power and influence of good women in my life! And as most of you who might read this are women, let me say, thank you, my dear sisters, for your love, your examples, your laughter and hugs and encouragement. Thank you for sharing; for talking and listening and for sometimes knowing how to sit in silence. Thank you for your patience and your advice. I love you!

never enough

Even though my last post was about Christmas, I didn't forget Thanksgiving, nor could I. Perhaps never before in my life have I been more aware of the incredible blessings that allow me to function from day to day. More than anything else, I am overwhelmed by the kindness of others and the incredible strength I receive from my friends and family (and sometimes even complete strangers who show up out of the blue just when I need them most). I am completely incapable of expressing how much love and gratitude I feel for all those who love me and help me and keep me sane from one day to the next. I think many people will never realize how much they have blessed me and how I have depended on them; how they have been for me blessings from God and answers to prayer. Nor will I ever be able to fully explain what all the hugs and smiles and talking and listening, the calls or emails or texts or letters, the examples, the words, the images, the inspiration- all of it and more- I cannot begin to wrap all these things into words or any expression that I know of that could express what it has meant to me. For now, suffice it to say,

Truly. Sincerely. And with all my heart. Thank you. I love you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

P.S. Just now, after writing this post, I read this verse

that is only too perfectly fitting not to share:

Now my brethren, we see that God is mindful of every people,

whatsoever land they may be in;

yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth.

Now this is my joy, and my thanksgiving;

yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever.

Amen.

alma 26:37

xo.

when we went a-caroling

Maybe because I have recently been singing in a Christmas choir, I keep thinking about Christmas 2004, when I was a Senior in high school and my school choir spent the whole month of December singing. Or at least so it seemed, with concerts and performances in hotels and stores and nursing homes and parties. I remember feeling so proud of our music. It felt like we were really doing something special, partially because we were excused from so many classes. But mostly because we worked really hard to make the songs beautiful--to learn our parts, to blend and balance, to use good technique and to make our voices the best they could be, to memorize the words and the music and the dances--and then to transmit the message of the songs to those we sang for. And also because there is something special about Christmas music. There is something really powerful about the fact that we sing these songs year after year; that we all know the words and the tunes and everyone can sing along; that the music brings back memories we have of Christmases past; and most especially because they talk about peace, love, joy, beauty and the birth of the Savior. It is music that brings us together and reminds us of the love and blessings in our lives. It makes us want to be our best selves and show a little more love to those around us.

So, as I am officially kicking-off the Christmas season, turning on some Christmas tunes and singing Christmas songs, here is one song that I really loved from my Canyon Singer days: "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." I particularly am thinking of the line "through the years we all will be together, if the fates allow." I am so grateful for all the years I have had together with my wonderful friends and family! I hope there will be many, many more. And even though I wont be near everyone I love this Christmas, I am already and always thinking of you all and sending you my love and, of course, good luck vibes :)

P.S. Any favorite Christmas tunes/renditions of Christmas songs you'd like to share with me? I am always looking to expand my collection of favorites!!

Merry beginning-of -a-lovely-Christmas-Season to one and all!! xoxoxo.

Is this real?

Lately it has come to my attention that I have a somewhat strange perspective on my life here in Spain. It's as if I see this is a step out of reality; some kind of intermission in the story of my life. I didn't recognize it at first, but when I noticed myself continually having thoughts like, "In real life I would...." or "If this was my normal life..." or "When I get back to my real life..." The problem is, I haven't stepped into some alternate reality and left my life behind for me to pick back up someday when I get back.

How did I get this strange notion into my head in the first place? I don't quite know. But I suspect it has something to do with the fact that I am far from home and far from the things I have normally done (like being a students, which only consisted of, oh I don't know, practically my entire life). Because I knew when I came here that it was a temporary and I expect to go back to the United States again next year... and also back to school. But also because I have an overly active imagination that causes me, at times, to blur the line between fantasy and reality. Because for months I imagined life here in Spain and now that I am here it is almost as if I have been subsumed into one of my dreams--something that, although close to my actual life, is not actually true, but a realm of semi-reality and unlikely possibility.

I have this problem often--I have to make a concerted effort to differentiate between what is really going on and the imaginary scenarios that I create in my (day) dreams. Just today, for example, I had to yank myself out of an imaginary situation when I realized I was tearing-up as I was walking home from the train and someone on the street might notice. How do you explain that you are crying over an imaginary event that you created in your mind--not something real, but an imagined possibility (though quite distant) based on certain real life events that have occurred. If you don't think I'm crazy by now, I'm sure some Spanish stranger listening to my broken, confused explanation certainly would!

Anyway, the point of this rambling (which in my world of imagination my many readers are raptly interested in, as always :) is that I have somehow convinced myself that I am on a break from reality. I imagined this experience so often perhaps, or the feeling that I have been scooped up from the normalcy of the life I knew and deposited into another world is so strong, that I have started subconsciously dividing my time here from the rest of my life and my "reality." But that can be no more. I am here. And this is real. My life is not on pause, nor can it ever be.

I don't want my life in Spain to be some hazy dream experience, but a vivid piece of my life that can connect with the many other experiences I have had and that will blend into my future and prepare me for what lies ahead. And so, I commence with a new effort to change my mindset and to really live my life here in Spain.

So, saludos y besos from Spain!! I'm really here :) xoxo

Caution: Work in Progress

If you can't tell, I'm having a blog identity crisis. For some reason I had the urge to change the "look" of my blog awhile back, and I haven't quite gotten it to the point where I really like it again... So sorry if it seems like every post has a new design. It's a work in process. And with me, it's a slow process. But since this blog is in some ways a representation of me, my life and my thoughts, that's actually fitting.

Thanks for your patience. Suggestions welcome!

We're Going Home

For some reason I was thinking about the song "Two of Us" the other day, and it brings me so much joy to listen to it! I think this is my favorite Beatles song! And lets be honest, that's saying something :)

It is a random connection, but this song reminds me of Christmas last year. I would listen to this song in the car sometimes as I drove all over Utah County for my job. I was always busy often hurrying from one place to another, bringing name cards for the Angel Trees, meeting with organizers and volunteers, picking up gifts, delivering materials, helping at the warehouse. There were so many different things to do for Sub for Santa and Angel Tree. I LOVED those days, even though they were long and tiring and there were a million problems to deal with (and it was cold outside), because I really felt like I was accomplishing something that would make life a little happier for children and families during Christmas. I think those few months will always stand out to me as one of the best experiences of my life. I am so glad to be reminded of it now as we're entering into that lovely holiday season once again (can you believe it's already here??!?!?!), living somewhere far away and doing something quite different. It's strange how quickly things change!

And so, a seemingly unassociated song that I love and will always remind me of my long drives around Utah County last year for United Way!