19 February 2010


today I stepped outside and it was if by a miracle millions of beautiful white feathers were appearing and disappearing everywhere around me; little-frozen-ice-crystal feathers that somehow magically filled the space around me and above me and yet were invisible in the upper air, through which the mountains were barely visible in their cloak of mist and cloud. It felt like the beginning of a new world where laws like gravity and conservation of matter all faded away and where, in the muted morning light,
anything was possible.

and maybe today I will believe anything is possible.
and I will be happy
because I realized that there is no such thing as perfect
so its ok
cuz I'm not


that's what i call beautiful

17 February 2010

A new kind of crooner(ette)

A few songs I'm loving right now that I thought I'd share. So go ahead and take a listen...


haha! This one makes me laugh! But it's a good song.

This is a little lame but there isn't a real video for this song yet and I felt it needed to be included, so this will have to make do...

p.s. I think I should get bangs... then maybe I'll write an amazing album and make weird music videos too :)

16 February 2010

Road Tripper

"[W]ords are not fashioned to speak what shapes the wind takes, the motion whereby mists climb after the sun out of ravines, or how the tropic orchids lift at daybreak among their fragrant shadows wings of ivory and fawn drooped against ferny trunks."
Far Altars by Marian Storm

I am muted by the grandeur of nature. . .

by the power of creation. . .

by the immensity of the world
in relation to
my infinite smallness. . .

and I love it

11 February 2010

Am I Insensitive?

epic fail pictures
see more Epic Fails

I think this is hilarious!

Jen, I hope you love this, because when I saw it I thought of you and what your reaction would be and I almost fall off my bed laughing!! Love you!

09 February 2010

Patron St. Jerome

"The world wants useful inhabitants. True. But the clouds building bridges over the sea, the storms modeling the peaks and flanks of the mountains, are a part of the world; and they want creatures to sit and look at them and learn their life's secrets, and carry them away, conveyed perhaps merely in altered tone of voice, or brightened color of eye, to revive the spiritual and physical hewers of wood and drawers of water. For the poor sons and daughters of men require for sustenance, as well as food and fuel, and intellect and morals, the special mysterious commodity called charm. . . ."

--from "About leisure" by Vernon Lee

You should probably just read the whole thing! http://quotidiana.org

08 February 2010

The Power of the Girl Effect

I saw this video today and I think it is pretty incredible! Watch it; check out the website (http://thegirleffect.org); think about the power of girls to change not only their own circumstances, but those of their families, communities and nations. It's incredible that something so simple can be so revolutionary and make so much difference in the lives of those who have the least.

The most shocking fact (check out the fact sheet on the website for more info) was that the leading cause of death worldwide for girls age 15-19 is PREGNANCY. wow.

05 February 2010


Read an amazing essay written by BYU's own fabulous Meg Morley and published in the Hamilton Stone Review! It's great!


03 February 2010

Back in vogue!

A new old favorite--Hall & Oates, You Make My Dreams

Doesn't this just put a smile on your face? I'm in love with this song and this clip just makes it that much better. Enjoy!

semi-hypothetical situations

Dearest Facebook,

I don't know how to say this but to just say it. I think we should take a break. I know I should have come to you directly; I should have told you face to facebook, but you'll see, it's better this way. It might come as something of a shock after all the time we've spent together lately--all those late nights and what seems like every moment of my spare time. You don't even have to ask, yes, it will be hard for me too. I won't pretend that I won't think about you, miss you, want you back. But I also know this is for the best. As much as I have enjoyed our time together I know that something about our relationship just isn't right and I have to let go, even if I don't want to. It's strange the way you have slowly become part of my life, every day filling up a bigger part of it and making me think that I wouldn't be complete without you; that I need you. But it isn't true.

All I can say now is thank you for everything you've given me--your messages, the photos, that connection that I don't think I would have had in any other way. But then, maybe it wasn't the kind of connection I needed. As great as it seemed, I need something real, something you can never give me. So I'm sorry, but this is goodbye. Trust me when I say this is for the best.

Farewell and best wishes,


02 February 2010

lost and gone

Last week I got a voice mail from my mom that scared me half to death. There was no real reason for me to believe that tragedy lingered behind her words, but there was something in her voice and her words and the way she asked me to call her back at 5:00 that just didn't seem usual. I told myself there was nothing to worry about, that I had no reason to suspect that anything was really wrong--she just wanted to talk!

But I couldn't help it. Terrible thoughts passed through my crazy brain all day--what if something had happened to Grandma Gail or Grandpa Jack? What if something had happened to Ashley or Jody or Christy or another friend from home and I just hadn't heard yet? What if my mom had gone to the doctor and was diagnosed with Cancer or any other potentially fatal disease? what if what if what if what if.....?

I was on edge for hours, hardly able to wait until 5:00 to call. When I did I found out that everyone was fine except for our little dog Casper. I felt a little guilty for not being more devastated, and I was sad, mostly for my mom because i knew how upset she was, but I could hardly contain my relief that everyone I love was safe for one more day. What a blessing!

The thing is, I don't know what I would have done or how I would have reacted if my mom had told me that someone had died or was injured or if some other terrible tragedy had taken place in my absence? What would i do or think or feel? It is a terrifying thought to me that I don't know how I might respond to tragedy. I have seen a bit of death in my days, but I still haven't figured it out. I don't know how to feel and how to not feel and how to not lock things up in little corners of my heart and try to keep them wrapped up and hidden away where they can't hurt me and where no one else will see them or know they even exist. I haven't figure out how to confess my sorrows or to let others see those pieces of me that not even I know what to make of. And because I can't sort them out and make them mesh with the happiness that I try to feel and portray to those around me, I just pretend that those other things don't exist. And sometimes it is easier than others. And sometimes I can't pretend at all and everyone sees right through me and I feel transparent and exposed. And death is one of those things that maybe never becomes easier; something that we never know how to blend with our own living and the reality of our own eminent deaths. Even for those of us who believe so fully in an afterlife and in the never-ending bonds between families and loved ones, there is something of our mortality that prevents us from accepting that these few short years of life alone can be redeemed by an eternity of togetherness. There is something about living earth bound that gives us loyalty to this life and makes us value it in ways that perhaps we should not. Or perhaps we should. Because as short and as small as life may be, it is real and it is all that we have here and now. This is where we must make our homes and our lives and our families and where we must learn to love and feel and break through the cold barriers in our hearts and learn to cry and laugh and connect and be who we must become. This is where we decide if we want to touch and be touched by those around us or if we want to blockade ourselves into safety and protect our hearts from the hurt that shall inevitably come. I haven't learned how to do this yet, but I have great examples around me.

I am so grateful to my roommate Rachel who has one of the truest hearts I know. She knows how to let others in and allow them into her life (though I am sure she has those hidden hurts as we all do). And this week she impressed me more than ever. She received the call I dreaded last week and found out that her grandmother had passed away. And she cried and she remembered and she laughed and she shared and I know that even though she is hurting now and she doesn't know any more than the rest of us how to make the death of her grandmother fit into her heart without tearing it apart, she will heal that space and it will become another mark of her strength. She amazes me. God bless her and her family.