Film going: To the Wonder

Last night I saw the film To the Wonder.

I am still in awe.

This film follows the love and lives of an American man, Niel, and a French woman, Marina, who meet in France and move together to a small town in Oklahoma. We catch glimpses of their lives as their love waxes and wanes through time. The film weaves through the changes they face as a couple and as individuals. Beautiful moments and troubled times. Discontent and sublime happiness. Confidence and doubt. Tied into the tale are a love story between Niel and his childhood sweetheart, Jane, and the quiet struggles of a Spanish ex-patriot priest, Father Quintanna serving his parish in this small Oklahoma town. In much the way our characters seek to find, keep and understand their love, Quintana is reaching out for faith and for Christ, whom he has seemingly lost among the all too real lives of his congregants and the seeming lack of divinity around him. Though the characters overlap and their lives intersect, the stories remain separate and individual. Each unique.

The film is raw. Emotional. Narrated, vaguely, in turn by the various characters as they move through the phases in their lives and loves. As they struggle and question and seek and yearn for that which they cannot find or cannot hold on to.

It is also beautiful. Not just emotionally, but visually as well. The scenes are simple, yet at times take on an almost fairy-tale-like quality. Whimsical and flowing. The lighting and angles are gorgeous. Stark. Brilliant. Elegant. Dreamy. It is we, the audience, are half in a dream. In fact, the entirety of the film might be described as dreamlike. Hazy. The fragments one remembers after waking up. Unfinished and even, in parts, incoherent. Yet the moments are still surprisingly potent; the emotions inexplicably strong.

I recommend it highly...but know that this will be dreamy, emotional, abstract.. and the narrative sparse and elusive. I like that I guess. It was powerful enough to make me weep. So who knows, maybe you will love it too.

magic man

Saturday night was the very definition of gorgeousness. Beautiful music. Lovely people. The unity of so many different people in moments of pure delight. Just pure joy.

I've loved Josh Ritter for a long time (thanks to my friend Doug!). But at his concert, I suddenly felt a new connection to the man behind the music. The man whose music could fill a room with awe and wonder. Whose joyous love of his craft was apparent in every aspect of his performance. Whose gratitude for his listeners and whose enjoyment of being in that moment, on that stage was palpable. Who brought every voice in the room together in a chorus that filled the Rialto Theater with a little piece of love. Because no one there could have helped but love this incredible music man. It felt a little bit like magic. Or heaven.

So enjoy....

a new one,

and another new one,

and an oldy, but a goody :)

The opening band was also breathtaking. The lead singer's voice is out of this world powerful!

Have a listen to Lake Street Dive:

mix 'n' match

what do you get when you combine one of your favorite singers with lyrics about your favorite home town?

must be losing my mind...



i love this too



and this



and everything brett dennen sings.
i'm obsessed.

myheart

There is so much more
brett dennen

This is happiness.

Even in the early mornings now I can leave the house in short sleeves and sandals, and it feels great, like being in heaven I think.

Summer has officially arrived in Spain.

It's strange because only a week or so ago I was wearing my coat and boots and worried every day about being cold or getting rained on. Now, I'm contentedly ignoring my sweaters and tights, cheerily embracing the dresses and skirts and t-shirts I can wear without all those stifling cold weather accessories that have accompanied everything I've worn since November. In the mornings I wake up to sunlight, and the sky stays lit up until after 9pm, when it slowly fades into a soft, warm dusk. I've stripped the blankets from my bed and am leaving the windows open now while I sleep, because it's warm enough that you need a bit of breeze, even at night. It's like someone just snapped her fingers and set a great change in motion-- the goddess of all things warm and glorious! And I'm just thrilled. Overjoyed! By the way the sun beats down hard on my skin. By the greenness of the trees. The bright bursts of red and yellow and purple and white that peek out of unsuspected corners where flowers are flourishing, emitting their delicious freshness into the surrounding air, making me stop in my tracks sometimes, just to breathe. Yum!

The world is awake! And everyone knows it. They're emerging from hibernation. Families are out together on walks, in parks, sitting on benches, talking on street corners. Neighbors sit on their front porches in the evenings, just because. From my bedroom window I can hear the screams and laughter of children playing in the streets bellow. People everywhere are running and biking and walking with their sweethearts (or their dogs), taking in every minute of extended sunlight!

Oh glory, how I love it!

Shall we dance?

I'm not a dancer, though my mother was, and because of that I imagine that the ability should be lurking somewhere in my genes, just waiting to be released. That one day I will step out onto a dance floor and nothing but beauty and grace will flow from my limbs; they will work together with the music and I will be transformed. Someday....

Dancing with Carlos, I almost felt it was possible.

Have you ever danced with someone who really knows how to dance? It's like you're moving without even knowing how. Somehow he's leading and following, sort of, and then, despite yourself, suddenly you're dancing. It's something magical, possessed only by a really, truly good dancer. And I guess that's kind of rare.

Carlos taught me to dance: bachata, merengue, a little bit of salsa. He took me dancing and he gave lessons to a group of us on a couple of evenings in the Center for Young Adults in Alcalá. When the rest of us danced together we all fumbled with our feet and started on the wrong beat and struggled to maintain the rhythm. But when I danced with Carlos it all made sense--the music, the movement, the turns--it was natural. Light, free, smooth, flowing. And pretty. While the rest of are just awkward and overly self-aware, when Carlos dances he looks graceful and beautiful and poised. Effortless.

On Tuesday I danced with Carlos for the last time. Today he left for Manchester, England, where he will serve a 2 year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am happy for him. He will teach and serve and learn, and speak English! He will grow and do much good. But I have to confess that, selfishly, I'm a bit disappointed to have reached the end of our dancing days, few though they were to begin with.

I guess what I'm really saying is, I'm in the market for a new dance teacher. One who not only knows how to dance, but who can transform his partner into a dancer by the sheer grace of his movement.

And no, I wouldn't mind if he happens be very handsome.

And maybe a little bit tall.

Right now

I can't stop listening...

I don't love you....

but I always will.

WICKED in London

I melted.

(Just a taste... not from the show I saw.. obviously I guess....)

I have been listening to the Wicked soundtrack since my friend Jessica gave it to me my freshman year of college. Seeing the show in person, in the front row, in London was almost unbearably amazing! I cried.

I don't think my life will ever be the same.

Skewed perceptions

Today I somehow found my way to this article/photo essay about celebrity moms feeding their babies in public, in various forms. What was shocking to me was that many people are "offended" by images of breastfeeding women.

What??

To me this is so skewed and twisted it is hardly comprehensible. Today we live in a culture which has turned women's bodies into sexual objects, and then so normalized this objectified, sexualized image that when we see nearly nude women in magazines and movies and television we hardly think twice. Yet, somehow an image of a woman feeding and nourishing her child in the way nature intended is unsettling. Am I the only one who sees a problem with this situation?

Maybe having spent time in cultures where public breast feeding is completely normal and common place, or knowing the some of the benefits mother and child can receive from breastfeeding, or the impact that breastfeeding can have for children and families in developing nations, or knowing women who would love to breastfeed but are unable to has changed my perspective. In our culture I know it isn't common to see a mother openly breastfeeding. What I don't know is why. I am offended, if we want to talk about offensive things, that we as a society hardly say a word when scantily clad women are posted on every magazine cover and make appearances in practically every film and TV series, often in demeaning and horrifyingly objectified ways, and then turn around and act as though we've never been so shocked when a woman happens to expose her breast in order to feed her child. It's beyond me!

Breastfeeding is awesome. And while not all moms can breastfeed and there are also many other good options for feeding babies today, there is no reason for this weird cultural taboo against a beautiful act of motherhood!

Shhh.

I love words.

I have felt their power and been inspired by their beauty.

But they are limited, too .

There are moments of magic in this world

that words cannot capture.

Valencia: Las Fallas

I wish the world knew the value of quietness

the meaning of stillness

the power of silence.

Because there are times when words are not enough

and can only diminish that which should already speak for itself.

*I hope someday to marry a man who knows when

to not speak

A very special day...

It's International Women's Day today. And I feel like I can't go to sleep without at least acknowledging that fact. I mean, Google did...

(Okay I confess: I just thought this was pretty!)

So.. women. The truth is I don't know what to say today. I've said some things before (here and here and here and here and here, etc...) and there is a lot more to say too, of course.

I think what I really want to say is just that I love women. And I am so grateful for the way I have been influenced and inspired and encouraged by women in my life. My mom and sister and grandmas; my friends; leaders and authors and activists and teachers and mothers and mentors. They are all amazing in their own unique ways, and I am a better person for the women who have touched my life.

But there are a lot of problems that face women. And it can be overwhelming and depressing to think about. It can be stressful and confusing. Yet, women are strong. Women are not just victims and minorities in power positions and the underdog struggling against all odds. Women are changing the odds and making their own odds. They are creating new stories and finding new ways of interacting in the world. I am inspired by women (and men too). Sometimes by those close to me--because I know them and what they struggle with and how they overcome and how they take the world and the life they were given and then rise to every occasion to be brave and bright and to make individual choices, even incredibly hard ones, that they know to be right. And sometimes I am inspired by women I will never know--ones who do impossible things and who ignore the rules that would suppress them and say beautiful words and make beautiful things and wondrously defy those who would negate their power or try to push them down or tell them who to be.

The world is changing. And it is a very good thing. Still, there are a lot of scary things facing us in the future. There is a lot of uncertainty. And there are countless problems to be grappled with and to overcome. For both women and men. We've come to a place where I think we are going to find we will fail if we don't stop putting up barriers and limiting people's potential because of their gender--or their race or background or even their apparent weaknesses. I am very ready for the day when we can stop talking about women's issues and women's rights. I am waiting for humankind to unite as we're meant to be united and for all of us to love and respect and support each other because we are all part of the same family; because we are all born into the same world and fighting the same problems; because each person deserves to be treated like a person, no matter what. But unfortunately we have a long ways to go.

The problems facing women are many. And they are linked to and exasperated by many other issues facing the world today. We can't change one thing without affecting the rest. That much is clear. So what do we do? What are the solutions? Where do women stand and what steps should we take? Well really, who knows?

But one thing is for sure: women have power. Even if it is only within themselves. Even if there are people and societies and pressures that try to suppress it. The power is there, and if you know women, you must have seen it. And this world will be a better place as each woman (and, yes, men too!) takes responsibility for her own power; harnesses it; directs it to those things that are important to her; looks beyond her immediate surroundings and does whatever she knows how to do, and maybe some things she doesn't know how to do, to influence some piece of this world for good.

It's that simple. And it's that hard.

It isn't easy to know where your power lies or how to use it or where your influence might best be felt and leveraged. But I think it is possible. And it is in this potential that I put my hope! Because power is already there within each of us, we just have to find--or better yet, create--the opportunities to make the most of it!

Happy International Women's Day. I believe in you!

(and I am trying to believe in me too)

Hope for the hopeless

I just can't stop listening to this song.

mlk jr.

Dear Dr. King,

You make me want to wake up.

Welcome to the world

2 lb. 12 oz miracle!

Congratulations Jamie and Joel!! My heart is full of joy for you and your precious little boy! I love you all!!!

Real is better than perfect.

Today I saw someone put this quote up, as if it is good advice:

"Pretend to be completely in control and people will assume that you are."

Steve Jobs

But I think it is terrible advice. I think this is exactly what is wrong with the world and all of us. I've made that mistake (many times) and I know it is nothing but pride and fear that makes us pretend.

I can't count the number of times when the smallness of humanity--our weakness, neediness, lack of understanding, ability, resources--has stunned and humbled me. Not because it is sad and terrifying, though at times it is that too, but because it is magnificent. Because it is incredible that, in all our silly, weak ways, we manage to make it through. We overcome and we survive.

It's a miracle. Life is a miracle. And when we pretend that we are "completely in control," that we have it all together, that we don't need each other and God and help every day and every moment, not only are we faking and lying and deceiving ourselves and each other, but we are diminishing the beauty of our successes. We belittle those pieces joy and love and perfection that pass through our lives to make them worth living, despite the fact that we don't have it together and we're not in control. None of us. We need help. We need each other. And I think there is nothing more beautiful in this world than recognizing our own littleness and loving it. Accepting help when we need it and offering to others what we have in abundance to give. We all lack something. But we all have gifts too. I think we've lost touch of that in the world--the fact that we need to exchange and share--that no one can have it all on his or her own, but that we benefit from others and that everyone has something important to give. The more we try to pretend that we're fine on our own, the more we lose out on sharing and receiving from one another. And that's a pity.

So I will tell you now, and always, I don't have it all figured out. I don't have everything completely under control. I don't understand so many things, so many more things than I do understand. I need help and love and blessings. And it is my greatest desire to offer some small benefit to another person; to lift, to aid, to touch, to bless another life. Because life is so much more beautiful when you're in it together with someone(s). For me, that's whole point.

The best promise

"Truly He taught us to love one another,

His Law is love, and His Gospel is peace.

Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother,

And in His name all oppression shall cease."

I love this version of "O Holy Night" sung in two sweet voices. Though I love most Christmas music, this has to be one of my all time favorites. The message of hope, love and peace; of praise and rejoicing; of brotherhood and unity--it is gorgeous! Every time I hear the lines "Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother, and in His name all oppression shall cease" my heart swells with joy and hope. I am reminded of the great promise that the Savior Jesus Christ lived, died and was resurrected for each and every person to be born on this earth; that He loves us all; and that through the infinite power of His atonement He will redeem, comfort and save us. The Savior will bring peace and through Him we will be freed from the inequality, the hatred and the destruction that is so prevalent in the world we live in. He has overcome all things, and through Him we can too.

But I also love the first lines, that remind us of the part we play in His plan: we must be good to one another; we must love and care for all people; for "His law is love, and His gospel is peace." I believe that the Savior will free all humankind from pain, suffering and death, but to do so He will use us and teach us to be holy, to love and to forsake all of our hatreds, prejudices, selfishness and pride.

Listening to this song makes me want to love a bit more deeply and do my best to spread peace in any and every way that i can. And I love it!

A dream or divinity

It was strange, but but for some reason this evening, while I was at an activity tonight with some Spanish friends, I suddenly realized that I was glowingly happy. Really. It's strange, because I didn't even realize it until I thought, Wow! Why can't I stop smiling? I just wanted to sing (which I actually did since we were practicing for our choir... which will perform on Sunday!!!) and give everyone hugs!

There are many contributing factors: I talked to my sister today. I received a beautiful card with inspirational quotes I definitely needed to read in the mail from an amazing woman who I love dearly. I had a great day with my classes (things seem to be much better this week now that they are done with their exams...). And I have been feeling extra blessed, protected and loved lately, which is rather amazing.

But mostly I think it is because this weekend I experienced this:

The pictures I took cannot even begin to capture the magnificence of La Sagrada Familia or any of the other incredible Gaudí creations I was lucky enough to experience with weekend in Barcelona. But I know that being surrounded by this incredible and truly inspired beauty touched my soul and changed my view of the world by exposing me to something so ethereal and yet so grand and magnificent. There is no way to see this inexplicable masterpiece and deny that there was something greater than man behind its creation.

I am still stunned. Just thinking about it leaves me speechless and jubilant!

On my little heart

I can't stop listening to this song. Because every time I do, I feel like my heart is breaking, but only so that it can be rebuilt, stronger and more full of love than ever before.

Everything about it makes me want to be better. Not only is it a gorgeous song with a beautiful message, but the fact that it is a tribute to Martin Luther King, Jr., one of my greatest heroes, makes it all the more powerful. It stirs in me a desire to be the best I can be and to give to the world, and to the Lord, everything I have. I love it!

You never know

Of all things I saw in Washington, DC last month, this might have been my favorite.

I went to see the monuments and museums; to partake of the incredible history that has been preserved in my nation's capitol. And I loved it all. But nothing can compare to the convergence of moon, clouds and sunset forming a kind of loveliness that can only be called gift from a loving God.

But the butterflies come in as a close second!

Verghese the artist

A few days ago I finished reading Abraham Verghese's novel Cutting for Stone, a story wrought with human frailty, but also with the human ability to overcome, to love and to be redeemed. I was powerfully affected by the depth of the characters-- their capacity for love and for hate, to help and to harm; their incredible strength as well as their incomprehensible weaknesses; the paths they choose and the places and people they are led to by destiny, fate, or the intervention of divinity. I was also stunned at the beauty and emotion Verghese evoked in medical settings, images and terminology, something I am usually rather wary of, or even slightly disturbed by.

Then, I unexpectedly chanced upon this TED video. And I am not surprised to hear the sincerity and tenderness with which Verghese speaks of his patients and the powerful role of touch in the relationship between doctors and patients. I see in the rituals of medicine Verghese talks about the same nuance and skill, the same comprehension of the human heart and human connectedness that he uses to so beautifully craft his novel. And I fully believe that for Verghese, medicine is an art. And that he is asking that we treat it that way. He asks that doctors be careful and loving with their patients; that they seek to understand before they attempt to treat; that they know and love each person fully; that they take pains to make their work beautiful and every case important; that they take pride in knowing that they have not only invested their intellect, but also their hearts in this work; that they will know they have used their gifts and talents to their full extent in order to heal and to comfort. For thus does medicine become truly sacred. A true form of art.

And it inspires me to be an artist. Wherever I am, whatever I do, I want to invest myself in my work in such a way that it takes on deeper meaning; that I can feel pride in what I have created. For me art, in any form, is terrifying. It requires vulnerability. It requires that we put everything we have into what we do, and that if it doesn't work, we must confess our failed. But it is also only giving our all that we can ever do anything truly great, that we really succeed. And I do not mean that we do something important in the eyes of the world-- that we will be recognized or lauded for our work. But when we use our whole hearts, our whole minds, every gift we have been given, then does our work, and our lives, begin to be a true representation of ourselves. Of the unique individuals we are. I am not there yet, but I hope that one day, I can look at my life and see something worthy of being called art.