small steps

I'm not much of a video game lover. In fact, rather the contrary. But I still find a great deal of joy in this:

"When Mike Mika saw the disappointment on his daughter's face when she realized Pauline wasn't a playable character in Donkey Kong, he felt a call to action. Thankfully Mika happens to be a competent developer, and after a few late-night hours spent hacking the NES version of Nintendo's classic, he accomplished the role reversal his daughter had wished for. Mario was now under Donkey Kong's control, and Pauline was tasked with rescuing the plumber in distress.

You can read the rest here.

Honestly, that is one awesome Dad! If all men cared that much about the effects of inequality (no matter how seemingly small or insignificant) on the lives of the women they love, the world would be a pretty amazing place! Seriously.

Where the world is.

I struggle sometimes, finding myself stuck in the space between the glorious, miraculous, heart-breakingly beautiful, incomprehensibly wonderful fullness of the world and the horrendous, tragic, painful, insensibly cruel side of the same. There is so much more than meets the eye. Everything seems so confused and clouded and complicated. And yet, starkly simple. At the core.

Most of the time, of course, I am just not thinking. I am just living. Trying to make my way through each day with a shred of dignity and, if I'm really lucky, something to feel good about. Something accomplished. I spend most of my time oblivious and drifting. Not reflecting and connecting the various threads of life and thought and emotion that pass through any given day.

But I can't ignore it all for long. Neither the overwhelming goodness and beauty I receive constantly from friends and strangers and family and the World and the Divine. That astonishing generosity and love that exists all around. In the giant bursts or in tiny, hidden corners. Nor the terrible, miserable realities that are constant and undeniable and truly unthinkable, unimaginable and all too real near and far and everywhere all at once. And I find I am not always prepared to hold it all within me. I vacillate from one extreme to the other. Crying tears of joy. Calling out curses to the anguish. Laughing. Laughing because there is nothing more to do--because it is ridiculous and tremendous and incoherent.

Mostly, my heart doesn't know exactly where to land. It is tugged and torn in two. Divided between the good and bad. The beautiful and the hideous. The hopeful and the hopeless.

 Hope. Or. Hopeless.

There I hang. Paralyzed. Wanting to reach for the joyous and the great. To fall firmly on the beautiful land of love, prettiness, kindness, generosity. Yet, I cannot turn my back on the hateful and the mean and the indifferent. Needing to look them square in the face and fight with all my heart. Yet I don't quite.

Instead I float. In the middle. Neither loving nor hating the world. NO! Both loving and hating the world. Despising and loving mankind more than I even know how. Discovering great leaps into a better world. Seeing the degradation and destruction we have caused. Unsure how to tie them together. How can they both exist, side by side? Contradicting and cancelling each other out. Why must there be a tragedy alongside every miracle? Is it necessary to accompany every gain with an equal and opposite loss? Somewhere. For someone. Are we just running in place... for every leap forward another stagger back? Is this inevitable? Can it ever end? Do we want it to? Enough? But really. really. ENOUGH!

That's where I always end up.

I believe there is hope. So, SO much hope.
If we want it. Really, really want it.
Enough to accept everything that comes with it.
Even the inconvenience. The sacrifice.
Because there has to be sacrifice.

Yes, I believe there is hope.
And we can choose it.
Or not.

I guess that's why it's hope.
There is no guarantee.
There is no promise.
Instead, endless and never-ending

POSSIBILITY.

A confession of joy

Remember when I said I wasn't as excited about the election this year??

I was kind of wrong!!! I guess I didn't know how I would actually feel until.....

OBAMA WON!!!!!! 

And I could not be more excited. Hopeful. Happy!

I hope that in the next four years we will see some important changes in our country. And I hope, as I said before, that we can all come together and work peacefully to make our country a better place for all of us!

YIPPPEEEEEE!!! 

Anticipation

I keep thinking back to 4 years ago. The first time I voted. When I read everything everywhere and after careful thought and preparation, I felt excited and certain about who I should vote for. I was so thrilled to take part in this democratic election ritual.

And I remember when President Obama won. I remember I was in the computer lab in the library typing up some paper, when suddenly there was a shout from somewhere in the foyer. Someone rejoicing. And then the word spread like fire throughout the library and whispers exploded in joy or disappointment. I remember my pride: in my country, my fellow citizens, in people in general. For making what was, in my opinion, the best decision. I remember recognizing that this was a historic moment in our country's history. And it proved me wrong in some of my doubts about the goodness and pureness of people's intentions and views.

In short, I was ecstatic. Full of hope and optimism for the future.

So, things haven't gone quite as planned. I'm not as intense about my feelings in the election this year. I still support President Obama. But maybe with a little less enthusiasm.

Not because I actually think he has been a terrible President like some people. Or because I am less certain about which candidate I support. I am just as sure who I want to win. And I think that Obama has done some good, though certainly he has not been perfect.

Still, I am not so enthused. I am excited to vote. I am grateful for this privilege to express my voice about who will lead my country. I am not unaware of how blessed we are to have the right to participate in the election of our leaders and to express our hopes, fears, disappointments and discontents. It's a great thing.

Only, the difference this time is that I am less hopeful about our attitude as citizens. And the election season hatefulness has not encouraged me much.

I remember how much President Bush was raked over the coals during his Presidency. I guess I thought that was just because people were so completely unhappy with him. I didn't expect the same negativity to continue almost without missing a beat into a new presidency.

I don't pretend that there are not reasons to complain and find fault. In fact, that's my very point. There always will be. There always have been. Unfortunately, if that is where we continue to focus, I truly believe that we will never be satisfied. We will never progress. There will never be real, meaningful change in our nation.

So, I will vote. And I will hope and pray for (what I consider) a favorable outcome in the elections.

But what I want, more than anything, is peacefulness. Helpfulness. No matter what happens, I hope I can do my best to be an asset to my country. I hope my voice can spread hope and love and joy. I hope that even if I disagree with some ideas, that I will find solutions. I hope that we as a nation can gripe a little less and change a little more.

As my mom always taught me, "Be a problem solver!"

Her advice never goes out of style.

Happy voting! Be safe out there!

Oh, and also this:

Avoiding. But not giving up.

Every few days I look at my blog, as if to see if by some miracle something has been mysteriously posted there without my knowledge. (hope hope hope)

But alas, nothing new has appeared. And while I have felt increasingly guilty for my neglectfulness (why? how? I am accountable to no one for this blog... and yet...), I have been avoiding it. The truth is, every time I consider writing I either feel suddenly void of anything worthwhile (SPELLING WORD!!.. for my 4th graders) or have too many half-developed, unconnected semi-thoughts running through my mind to decide what I should actually put into a post. My last few (and far between) posts have reflected this dearth of inspiration and I am really quite ready to replace them with something more interesting, thoughtful and important. There are unlimited possibilities to solve this dilemma, but I am either too lazy or too dull to make them work of late.

I am trying to do better.

For now I will just share this:

'Cause even the stars they burn 
Some even fall to the earth 
We've got a lot to learn 
God knows we're worth it 
No, I won't give up 

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily 
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make 
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use 
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake 
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend 
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn 
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in 
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not 
And who I am 

I won't give up on us 
Even if the skies get rough 
I'm giving you all my love 
I'm still looking up 
Still looking up.

Gorgeous words. Beautiful. I am feeling the need to get up and get moving. To do more. To be more. This song reminds me of the hope there is in the world. The never-ending supply of loveliness. The strength and depth of the human spirit. And I can always use that.

Enjoy.

On your mark... Get set...

Let the travels begin!

Wish me luck, adventures and serenity (because I'm a little nervous!! in addition to very excited!!).

First stop: Roma

PS. Please send good luck vibes

that I won't forget to charge my camera battery.

That's the WORST!

(Well, you know, of the

safe and alive

kind of problems.)

JUNE-time!

This photo is a representation of my feelings about June, but was not, however, actually taken in June. Give me a break. It's only been two days!

It's June. I love June. There are many reasons I could give, but in all honesty I love it most of all because June is my birthday month. I have no special claim on the month, I know. There are lots of people with June birthdays. Yet, I always feel like it is my month. A month of beautiful things, hopes and wishes and fresh starts.

This June, in twenty-five days, I will turn 25.

The thing is, I am really happy to turn 25. Some people make me feel like 25 is a big deal--I should feel "old," or worried about what I have (and have not) accomplished or where I am going or when I will get married or have kids, etc. And I confess, those thoughts cross my mind from time to time. From that point of view there is a lot someone could point to as "not enough." I don't have a great job, a husband or kids, a boyfriend, a master's degree. I'm not in school and in three weeks I won't have a job any more either. I am still not sure what I want to do with my life or where I will end up. But I am content. I'm happy. I have thought things over and I feel fantastic about my life thus far. That's not to say that there aren't a lot more things I want to do and that there isn't a LOT of progress I want to make, but so what? I'm working on it.

A few things that help me feel great about this coming landmark:

1. It really is about the journey, not the destination. Cliché but true. Even though I haven't accomplished any great and wonderful things yet (and maybe I never will) and even though the things I have done have been small, they have been important to me. I have chosen my path the best I could according to my goals and values and dreams, even though I often did so without knowing where I would end up. Of course there is more I could have done and things I missed along the way. But in all, I have had more than my fair share of loveliness so far in life. And I am so very grateful.
2. Being single doesn't scare me. It used to. But the older I get and the more dating (and dating-like) experiences I have, the more I realize that I am completely okay being on my own. I want to get married and have a family. But if that doesn't come along, or if it takes a long time, I am not worried. I have plenty to do in the meantime. I am happy and I am never lacking wonderful people in my life who are there for me when I need them. So while I will be overjoyed if/when the right person comes along, I am in no rush, and I'm not worried about it. (at least right now)
3. My life is full of incredible blessings. And most of them have come in the form of truly wonderful people. My family and friends fill my life with joy and security and hope. They lift me up and they believe in me. I am not worried about disappointing them or letting them down, because they have proven to me that they are there for me no matter what. I know I can trust them.
4. Life is unexpected, unsettling and completely wonderful. Life cannot be planned. It will always surprise you. There are great moments and difficult ones, but so far the balance in my life has always tilted towards astonishingly beautiful. I know that I can trust God to lead me where I need to go and to provide not only everything I need, but also many unforeseeable and completely breathtaking moments along the way.
5. I don't want my life to be the same as anyone else's, so I have no need to compare my life to other people's.
6. I decided a few years ago that I won't feel old until I'm at least 60. So don't expect me to freak out when I turn 30 or 40 or 50 either. These days, that's young! I have no intention of wasting valuable time worrying about my age. I can't go backwards, I can only go forwards. As long as I am enjoying life and making progress I don't see why it matters how old I am anyway!

So, happy birthday month to me (and a bunch of other fabulous people too!!!). I am hoping to really love my last few weeks being 24. And anyone with advice for how to make the coming year even better, fire away!

A happy June to one and all!

ps. all that said,

I reserve the right to feel

nervous and freaked out and self conscious and like my life is out of control

at any given moment.

It happens.

But in general, I feel great!

If only everything were this easy!

"If you believe that earth’s natural resources are limitless, which maybe was excusable 100 years ago but is the height of ignorance now,  or that “technology will fix it” or that we can simply go mine them in outer space with Newt Gingrich, I guess none of this worries you. But if you believe in reality, and you’d like that to be a place that your kids get to enjoy, this is a big deal."

Today I read a NYTimes article called We Could Be Heroes. Intriguing, right? Who doesn't want to be a hero? So, what's the key? Essentially, the article is about a very simple, immediate way in which we can influence the world, particularly climate change, increasing greenhouse gases, diminishing land, forests, flora (and with it the loss of and endangerment of many species), etc. Can you guess what it is? The simple, small change we can make TODAY that could make the kind of difference in the world that new technologies, research, electric cars and renewable energy sources can't begin to match (at least for the time being)?

Yep. EATING LESS (or no) MEAT.

Okay, I know what you're thinking. This is one of my pet subjects. I am always harping on about the pros of vegetarianism (which isn't actually even necessarily what the article is promoting). But it's true. Read the article.  Read what I posted here about a myriad of other reasons to make the switch (or read Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer. Great book.). But whatever you do, please at least consider the way you are eating and the affects your daily consumption has on your life, the planet, our future and the future of our children. It's at least worth giving a little thought! Especially since I can promise from experience, eating less or no meat truly is EASY! It takes a little extra thought, especially at first, and maybe some adjustment. But today there are so many options available to us that avoiding meat is no biggie in terms of sacrifice. Yet it can have a huge influence when it comes to impact!

A very special day...

It's International Women's Day today. And I feel like I can't go to sleep without at least acknowledging that fact. I mean, Google did...

(Okay I confess: I just thought this was pretty!)

So.. women. The truth is I don't know what to say today. I've said some things before (here and here and here and here and here, etc...) and there is a lot more to say too, of course.

I think what I really want to say is just that I love women. And I am so grateful for the way I have been influenced and inspired and encouraged by women in my life. My mom and sister and grandmas; my friends; leaders and authors and activists and teachers and mothers and mentors. They are all amazing in their own unique ways, and I am a better person for the women who have touched my life.

But there are a lot of problems that face women. And it can be overwhelming and depressing to think about. It can be stressful and confusing. Yet, women are strong. Women are not just victims and minorities in power positions and the underdog struggling against all odds. Women are changing the odds and making their own odds. They are creating new stories and finding new ways of interacting in the world. I am inspired by women (and men too). Sometimes by those close to me--because I know them and what they struggle with and how they overcome and how they take the world and the life they were given and then rise to every occasion to be brave and bright and to make individual choices, even incredibly hard ones, that they know to be right. And sometimes I am inspired by women I will never know--ones who do impossible things and who ignore the rules that would suppress them and say beautiful words and make beautiful things and wondrously defy those who would negate their power or try to push them down or tell them who to be.

The world is changing. And it is a very good thing. Still, there are a lot of scary things facing us in the future. There is a lot of uncertainty. And there are countless problems to be grappled with and to overcome. For both women and men. We've come to a place where I think we are going to find we will fail if we don't stop putting up barriers and limiting people's potential because of their gender--or their race or background or even their apparent weaknesses. I am very ready for the day when we can stop talking about women's issues and women's rights. I am waiting for humankind to unite as we're meant to be united and for all of us to love and respect and support each other because we are all part of the same family; because we are all born into the same world and fighting the same problems; because each person deserves to be treated like a person, no matter what. But unfortunately we have a long ways to go.

The problems facing women are many. And they are linked to and exasperated by many other issues facing the world today. We can't change one thing without affecting the rest. That much is clear. So what do we do? What are the solutions? Where do women stand and what steps should we take? Well really, who knows?

But one thing is for sure: women have power. Even if it is only within themselves. Even if there are people and societies and pressures that try to suppress it. The power is there, and if you know women, you must have seen it. And this world will be a better place as each woman (and, yes, men too!) takes responsibility for her own power; harnesses it; directs it to those things that are important to her; looks beyond her immediate surroundings and does whatever she knows how to do, and maybe some things she doesn't know how to do, to influence some piece of this world for good.

It's that simple. And it's that hard.

It isn't easy to know where your power lies or how to use it or where your influence might best be felt and leveraged. But I think it is possible. And it is in this potential that I put my hope! Because power is already there within each of us, we just have to find--or better yet, create--the opportunities to make the most of it!

Happy International Women's Day. I believe in you!

(and I am trying to believe in me too)

Overwhelmed? Make a list.

For the past week I haven't closed my internet browser because I have been saving articles and videos that I wanted to post about. But now that I have them all piled up, I also don't have the energy to post about them all separately, so this is a listed post of some interesting finds (or shared from others) this week:

• First, Joanna Brooks. An "unorthodox" Mormon woman who is standing up both for her religion as well as her desire to see change and openness within this religious culture. I really admire her and relate to much of that she has to say.
• It Only Takes a Girl. Beautiful and lovely (and reminiscent of the Girl Effect videos in some ways). It made me cry. Here it is:
• Really amazing letter from a former slave to his former master. Definitely worth reading!
• I really related to the author of this article. Like him, and many others, I strongly support Planned Parenthood, while also being Pro-Life (though the terms "pro-life" and pro-choice" are not my favorites, since I don't think those who support abortion are necessarily against life and that those who oppose abortion are also opposed to choice... but anyway...). And here is chart (plus article) talking about what Planned Parenthood really does and where their money goes.Targeting Planned Parenthood as a means of reducing abortion and unwanted pregnancy is completely misguided and ignorant! I personally do believe that unborn babies should be protected, but I also believe that women and expecting mothers, whatever their circumstances, must receive the best support and assistance possible. It is both women and children who suffer from this battle. And it makes me really sad!
• I also want to put in a general plug for the NYTimes FIXES blog that posts great ideas about development every week (since I have about 3 of their articles half read right now... I'm easily distracted...). Their goal is to find great ideas that are actually working well. Af there is almost always a follow-up article that addresses questions and comments about each "fix." Some of them are really interesting. You should check it out!
• Finally, I just read this article talking about the idea that we would live in a more peaceful world if women occupied more leadership positions. I think that is true, if only because it would be a sign of societal progress and decreased gender discrimination. Also, it is commonly acknowledged in the "international development world" that as women gain rights and standing in a community, the overall well-being and development generally improves as well. I see this as part of a healthy society. And women in leadership is part of how a community views and treats women. If the position of women in powerful roles is an indication of our societies as a whole we have a lot to worry about. And honestly, I think it is pretty important reflection of our societies. (The stats in this article are super interesting!)

Well, that's all for now. I'm tired and so is my computer.

Peace and love to one and all!! xo.

mlk jr.

Dear Dr. King,

You make me want to wake up.

Happy Christmas

Love, peace and joy to one and all. And another favorite...

I

John Lennon!

The best promise

"Truly He taught us to love one another,

His Law is love, and His Gospel is peace.

Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother,

And in His name all oppression shall cease."

I love this version of "O Holy Night" sung in two sweet voices. Though I love most Christmas music, this has to be one of my all time favorites. The message of hope, love and peace; of praise and rejoicing; of brotherhood and unity--it is gorgeous! Every time I hear the lines "Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother, and in His name all oppression shall cease" my heart swells with joy and hope. I am reminded of the great promise that the Savior Jesus Christ lived, died and was resurrected for each and every person to be born on this earth; that He loves us all; and that through the infinite power of His atonement He will redeem, comfort and save us. The Savior will bring peace and through Him we will be freed from the inequality, the hatred and the destruction that is so prevalent in the world we live in. He has overcome all things, and through Him we can too.

But I also love the first lines, that remind us of the part we play in His plan: we must be good to one another; we must love and care for all people; for "His law is love, and His gospel is peace." I believe that the Savior will free all humankind from pain, suffering and death, but to do so He will use us and teach us to be holy, to love and to forsake all of our hatreds, prejudices, selfishness and pride.

Listening to this song makes me want to love a bit more deeply and do my best to spread peace in any and every way that i can. And I love it!

Who can mind her own business?

I am so grateful for my friend Chelsea who shared the NYTimes article Seven Billion on her blog. And, because it is amazing and I just can't help myself, I am going to write about a few thoughts I have too.

The article (and some awesome videos from National Geographic which I will put at the end of the post) talks about what it means to live in a world with 7 billion+ people. It asks if the earth can support our ever growing numbers; it asks what will happen as our populations shift--as a whole we are become older, more urban and our population centers are shifting from the "west" to China, India and Africa; and as our lifestyles change and more and more people in the world are living like those of us in the United States and Europe (i.e. using more resources on a daily basis than many people in the world use over years or, in some cases, lifetimes). Obviously, we don't know exactly what will happen in the next 10, 20, 50 years. We don't know how things will change, but we know change will happen. And as I see it, in large measure the future is in our hands. It is up to us what tomorrow will look like. We have choices to make that will determine the future of this planet and the people who live here. And many of those choices have to do with our daily lives.

The article concludes with these paragraphs on our future and our priorities:

Is economic development the best contraception? Or is voluntary contraception the best form of development? Does the world need a bigger pie (more productive technologies) or fewer forks (slower population growth through voluntary contraception) or better manners (fewer inequities, less violence and corruption, freer trade and mobility, more rule of law, less material-intensive consumption)? Or is education of better quality and greater availability a key ingredient of all other strategies?

All these approaches have value. However much we would like one, there is no panacea, though some priorities are clear: voluntary contraception and support services, universal primary and secondary education, and food for pregnant and lactating mothers and children under 5.

These priorities are mutually reinforcing, and they are affordable. Providing modern family planning methods to all people with unmet needs would cost about $6.7 billion a year, slightly less than the $6.9 billion Americans are expected to spend for Halloween this year. By one estimate, achieving universal primary and secondary education by 2015 would cost anywhere from $35 billion to $70 billion in additional spending per year.

IF we spend our wealth — our material, environmental, human and financial capital — faster than we increase it by savings and investment, we will shift the costs of the prosperity that some enjoy today onto future generations. The mismatch between the short-term incentives that guide our political and economic institutions and even our families, on one hand, and our long-term aspirations, on the other, is severe.

We must increase the probability that every child born will be wanted and well cared for and have decent prospects for a good life. We must conserve more, and more wisely use, the energy, water, land, materials and biological diversity with which we are blessed.

Henceforth we need to measure our growth in prosperity: not by the sheer number of people who inhabit the earth, and not by flawed measurements like G.D.P., but by how well we satisfy basic human needs; by how well we foster dignity, creativity, community and cooperation; by how well we care for our biological and physical environment, our only home.

With all of that said, here is what I think:

First of all, I think it is a blessing to live in a world where our lives are inescapably connected--if we recognize that fact. Because, among my beliefs about human beings are these two things:

1) people are basically good and everyone is capable of doing something that will benefit the world; and...

2) we are innately self-centered and naturally less aware of those around us than we are of ourselves (and perhaps our family member or those who we are very close to).

So, even though we have the potential to help others and do great things in the world, often we don't even recognize the problems of others, or if we do we don't see a connection between these issues our own lives and the ways in which we can influence those problems. However, the growing awareness that we live in a global community where the welfare of people across the world will have an impact on the way I live and vice versa can be, I believe, a powerful motivation for all of us to look beyond ourselves and our immediate situation to see how we fit into the bigger picture; what we can each contribute. This knowledge that in a world of 7 billion people and counting, we cannot live with affecting and being affected by the rest of those 7 billion helps us step outside of our natural "personal bubble," which in turn, will allow us to use the goodness we inherently have to influence the world in spectacular ways. If we so choose.

And that isn't just speculation. There are people all over the world who have opened their eyes to the problems around them and have done astonishing things, often with few resources and little expertise. Their main qualitification: love. A qualification available to each and every one of of us. There is nothing more powerful or more sacred than love. Pure love.

Charity

"The highest, noblest, strongest king of love"

"Charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

Wherefore, my beloved bretheren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail--

But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

Wherefore, my beloved bretheren, pray unto the Father with all energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen."

Moroni 7:45-48 & 1 Corinthians 13:3-8

As a member of the human family, a creature on this earth and a recipient of uncountable blessings, charity is my ultimate and immediate goal. It is my belief that, whatever else we do here on earth, the main purpose of our time here is to learn what it means to truly love others-- to be like, and love like, Christ, whose life and atonement is, for me, the ultimate demonstration of charity.

And charity comes in more forms that we recognize, and can come from anywhere and anyone. When we talk about our place in a world of 7 billion people, charity means knowing that every time I am wasteful with my resources I am harming someone else. It means mindfulness. It means acting consciously and carefully. It means thinking not only about the immediate consequences of my actions, but also the long-term results. It means remembering those 7 billion people and seeing them as equally important, dignified and deserving as myself. And as such, recognizing that quality of human lives is what I am weighing against convenience, economics and effort. Every day. In every choice.

None of us are perfect. Especially me. And I know that I am constantly making wrong choices. I forget about or ignore the fact that what I do matters very much. How I use my resources, talents and time can be a matter of life or death for another human being or another creature on this planet. And the truth is, I can and must do better. As a human community we have much room for improvement.

Yet, what a hopeful thing it is to know that there are 7 billion of us here on this earth--I cannot even begin to comprehend our collective potential. But that is what we must do: recognize and take advantage of our connectedness. Only by working together, pooling our resources and finding solutions that are good for everyone can we create a better world; one which can adequately support all of us in a manner worthy of a human life.

endings/beginnings

Yesterday I made a decision about what I am going to do now that I finished my year as a VISTA at United Way.

Today I changed my mind... I think.

I probably shouldn't even be able to change my mind. Maybe I haven't. Maybe tomorrow I'll change it back. And really I can only go on like this for so long. Really, Monday morning is about 5 days later than I should have to make a decision. But that's the limit I'm setting for myself--Monday by 9am (with the help of dear Jessica who talked to me in the middle of the day even though it meant accidentally hanging up on one of her clients. oops.)

Talking helps. Feeling like someone is listening helps. Knowing that people care about you enough to let you talk both of you dizzy with circular logic even helps.

There have been a lot of conversations in the past month that have honestly saved me and my sanity. I haven't needed to talk to my mom and dad so much in years. And so many friends have listened to me vacillate back and forth that I don't know what I should do to apologize or thank them for giving me that time.

Yet, all the while I know very well that I can't take too much advice from anyone. I know that no one can tell me what to do. And if they did I probably wouldn't do it because, well, that's just kind of how I've always been.

And there is a point when all of then listening and talking in the world can't help me put off a choice I am avoiding any longer. And that time has really come. and gone. And Monday awaits.

I'm terrified. and I'm thrilled. because I will have to move forward in some direction, and that, at least, will be some kind of a relief.

Good things happen in July

I like this song, and I feel like singing about "FREEDOM!" for two reasons right now:

1. Today is my first day being unemployed, i.e. I finish ONE FULL YEAR as an AmeriCorps VISTA as of Friday. Is it weird that I'm okay with that? (though still slightly nervous!)
   
2. I want to celebrate the birth of a new nation on July 9, 2011: The Republic of South Sudan!! Check out this wonderful photo essay! And President Obama's statement of recognition for this new state! This is truly a moment for hope.
   

Here's to wishing the best for Southern Sudan and all of her people... and to hoping I wont be too free for too long (cross your fingers that I'll get a job/make some decisions in the near future!).

Treat a sister right!

This is for you, Savannah, and anyone else who read my last post and asked, "so, what can I do?" and "how can I contribute?"

What a beautiful question to ask, even if it isn't always easy to answer. I've been asking that question a lot lately myself. Here are few things that I have come up with.

A quick disclaimer:
These are things I'm obviously not perfect at. They're things I want to do better.
And I have a long way to go.

1. Be aware. Know what is going on around you locally, nationally, internationally. Read the news. Read books or articles. And talk to people. Even when I am doing my very best at following the news I still miss a lot. It's great to know people who can help keep me up to date! Maybe start by reading Half the Sky. Or check out the website (where Kristof and WuDunn have suggested several ways to get involved and made a great list of organizations that can use help and support).
   
2. Use you power as a consumer. And CONSUME WISELY! We live in a market economy. Supply and demand is real. So be careful about what you buy, what media you watch and which companies you support with your hard earned cash. When I watched the film "Miss Representation" I was struck by the realization that I financially support a lot of media that actually disgusts me. Though many of us are appalled by the degrading ways women are depicted and the lack of respect even the most powerful women receive, we continue to buy tabloids and watch movies in which women fall into the same stereotypes over and over again. We're feeding the beast even as we claim we want to defeat it. That has to stop. AND we need to be careful not consume excessively. It isn't just the environmentalist in me that begs everyone to reduce, reuse and recycle. There are finite resources in the world, and when some of us use a disproportionate amount we necessarily diminish access to resources for others. Don't use more than you need. Consume locally. Walk, ride your bike or take the bus. And know where the products you buy are coming from! Are you supporting slavery or child labor? Probably more often than you know, unfortunately. So make it your business to know, and not to waste!
   
3. Support other women. Take note of women who are doing good in the world. Notice women in your own life who have talents and skills to contribute. Then tell them. That could mean supporting an NGO run by a woman, voting for smart capable women in politics or helping a friend see her potential. We as women sometimes forget to raise each other up. Sometimes we're even tempted to push each other down. But if we love and care for one another our collective power will grow.
   
4. Excel! Do your best. Work hard. And have confidence in your own abilities. I truly believe that every person, man or woman, has something unique and important to offer the world. Find out what you're good at and what you love. Then go for it. Why not? You have the power to make the world a little more beautiful. So don't hold back.
   
5. Get out there. Find opportunities to get out of your bubble. Volunteer. And if you already volunteer, maybe consider diversifying your service. Participate in your community. Go to fairs and events. Get to know your city and your community. That is a great way to be in touch with the issues that are closest to home. And home can be a great place to start tackling tough problems.
6. Use your voice. Similar to my suggestion to use your power as a consumer, I think we all need to be a little better at using our political power. We live in a nation that purports to be "of the people, by the people, for the people" (Lincoln). If that is true, and if we want it to be true, we have to speak up. And not just to complain and gripe. We need to offer solutions, find ways to forge ahead and work to resolve issues. Vote. Write letters to your representatives. Write in to newspapers. And connect with groups and organizations that support causes that matter to you.
7. Share what you know! When you come across an important story, tell people about it. If you find an organization you really support, spread the word. There are many people who don't know what you know, and we can all benefit from hearing what you have to say. So start talking. To everyone!
8. Be creative. You know yourself. Think about what you're good at and how you personally can contribute to causes that are important to you. Think outside the box. And when you find something that strikes a chord, don't be afraid to try it, even if your way of contributing may seem a bit unconventional. That's what we need. Change. New ideas and new solutions. So don't listen to me if my ideas don't work for you. Find your own!

This isn't a comprehensive list. There are so many other possibilities I haven't come up with. But I hope some of these suggestions will spark ideas for you! So please share your thoughts. I'd love to know what you have to say!

*Please note that there are 8 ideas. And 8 is my favorite number. I call that a good omen :)

Expect/Respect

Last night I watched "Miss Representation." I felt like I had blinders pulled from around my eyes so that I could finally really see and understand aspects of the media, politics and power that completely degrade and delegitimize women. It was horrifying, yet inspiring. I couldn't stop talking about it, I couldn't sleep half of the night thinking about it, and I am still blown away.



The more I think about this film and the issues it raised, the more clearly I see myself and recognize my own roles in consuming these images. I notice the ways that I play into the hands of these stereotypes and the narrow, twisted definitions of womanhood that we are expected to accept, despite so many aspects of our reality that confirm that this is a LIE.

~

Last night, in a more or less related vain, I started re-thinking about something that has been on my mind for awhile now. . .

About a month ago, at my good friend Jamie's wedding reception, I was talking with a guy and for whatever reason, he pointed out another girl's shoes, saying that they were ridiculous and that she wore them only because she thought they would make her attractive to men and they looked painful. I found this comment unsettling, despite the fact that I personally agreed that this girl's shoes were a bit over the top and appeared to be rather uncomfortable. But I joked, "Sometimes it's painful to be a woman." And he countered, "You don't have to be a woman. At least, not that kind of woman." I felt like I should have been grateful--I was talking to a man who didn't expect women to wear uncomfortable shoes (and by extension clothes, make-up, etc) to be attractive. That's a good thing, right? So why was I bothered by his statements? Why was I disconcerted by his comment?

Over the past month, I have come to this conclusion: it's just another kind of expectation.

And the last thing women need are more expectations.

~

I attended a play at BYU called "To Thine Own Self Be True" a couple of weeks ago. It was written, directed and performed by female students (or former students) at the university. The play was about the female experience at BYU. The opening scene exemplifies what I am trying to say (by the way, I don't have a perfect memory so this is just paraphrasing!).

A freshman girl walks onto campus. She is excited and smiling and hopeful. She is wide-eyed and curious. Suddenly, a voice out of nowhere welcomes her to the school and begins to set out for her what her experience will be (while objects representative of each statement are piled into her arms):

"While you are here you are expected to work hard. You are expected to make friends. You are expected to serve those around you. You are are expected to go to church. You are expected to date."

At first she remains happy and excited, but then,

"You are expected to learn to cook and bake and clean and take care of a house. You are expected to play sports. You are expected to t have musical talents. You are expected to be the top in your class. You are expected to t get married. You must are expected to a successful career. You are expected to look pretty at all times. You are expected not to be vain or care too much about your appearance. You are expected to have kids. You are expected to go to graduate school. You are expected to ...."

Well, I think you get the point. By the time the scene is over, she is piled on with the physical symbols of these expectations, and she is entirely overwhelmed and lost.

But it isn't just women at BYU who feel these expectations (though perhaps in some ways they are amplified). Women everywhere feel the need to meet up to expectations of near perfection. Sometimes these expectations are completely impossible; sometimes they are even in conflict with each other. Some of these expectations may be positive. But when they are pressed upon someone, as though she can only achieve success, respect and power by following a particular set of rules, it is detrimental.

~

Going back to the example of the conversation I had at my friend's wedding, here is why I have a problem with the comment made by that young man. It is sending a new message about expectation, and a contradictory one to that which (he assumes) the girls is trying to fulfill. I agree with him that women should know that they are not expected to wear the crazy shoes and pounds of make up to be attractive. What I don't agree with is the idea that if she chooses to wear those shoes, or if she has been influenced by the constant message that this is what she should do, she is open for ridicule. This is the message I am hearing and that I am afraid that too many other women hear too (though I know isn't always the case or necessarily exactly what is being said or thought):

You are only valuable and of worth when you look good and men find you physically attractive. Your power is all about your sex appeal and appearance. I will care about or respect you if you give in to these stereotypes.

BUT ALSO
You shouldn't give in to the stereotypes and expectations of beauty you hear constantly from the media and others. You give up your value, worth and dignity. I won't have respect for you if you are affected by the media and the expectations of beauty and womanhood that inundate you or make choices that I think are reflections of that those expectations.

A woman can't win for losing. No matter what she does, she is coming up against some expectation or another. And it isn't just with appearances either. On one hand, women are expected to be mothers and homemakers; they are expected to be good cooks, to be crafty, to decorate. Yet, there are others who say, women should not accept those roles, but have careers, attain higher education and have powerful positions in society. And then some people think women should do both, simultaneously. And whatever she chooses, someone thinks she is giving in; someone isn't satisfied.

So what is a woman to do. Ideally, she will make choices about her life, her family, her appearance based on what she wants most, what she truly values and what makes her feel the most fulfilled. But with waves of expectation coming in from every side, it is sometimes hard for women to feel free to make these choices and not to feel that no matter what she chooses, she is being judged.

I was struck by a quote I read in relation to the play "To Thine Own Self Be True" in which a woman expressed her shock that, as she got to know more women on a personal level, she found that no matter what choices these women were making, they felt they were being judged and they felt like they were coming up short. Women who stayed home with their kids felt they were looked down on by others because they didn't work or have a career. Women who had careers felt they were judged for not staying home and raising their children full time.

Where does it end?

Women DO NOT NEED more expectations. We need respect.

Expect:

to decide that (something) is
requisite or necessary

Respect:
esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability

Women should be able to make the choices that they feel right about for their lives. Women should be respected for who they are, not what they do as a job or what they look like or how they dress. Women (and men) need to be valued as individuals with a wide variety of characteristics and be esteemed for personal, character driven definitions of success.

And women need to be the first to stand up and support each other.

So I've made some goals for myself. I will try....

.... not to talk about my weight and appearance, or that of other people.
.... not to give women complements based on their appearance, clothes, etc., but rather their character.
.... to be much more aware of the media that I see. And I am going to think about what messages are being sent and why.
.... to say something when I hear sexist comments, media, etc. or observe sexist behavior.
.... to use my power as a consumer, a citizen and an intelligent human being to tell the world that I am not okay with the way women are portrayed in the media or the expectations they receive from various parties.
.... to be myself and I am going to be okay with that (even if it's a long process).

I hope you will think about how media and the expectations you face as a woman (or a man) influence your life. I hope you will consider what you can do to improve our mental environment (a friend yesterday said we all need to be mental environmentalists... and I LOVE that!). And please tell me what you think, even if it isn't what I think, because I don't want to be just another person adding expectations to the list!

LOVE,
ktb

ps. I think there are actually a couple of issues here that for me
have become very closely interwoven.
So maybe everything doesn't connect completely
but in my life, these issues of media's portrayal of women
and the expectations women, men, families, communities and cultures
put on women are sometimes equally difficult to navigate.

Images

from Egypt.

And here are a few more.

Coincidence?

I think not!

I was just reading an article from Nicholas Kristof about how the US needs to show more support for the popular revolution in Egypt when BYU sent me this quote from the forum Condoleezza Rice gave at a couple weeks ago:

“The only legitimate government, the only form of government that is true to the non-negotiable demands of human dignity is democracy. So the United States has to advocate for it.”

Alright, here's our chance!