27 December 2009


Sometimes I think there are so many thoughts inside my head that I just might explode. And other times I feel like all capability to think at all has been sucked out of me and I am left dazed and baffled. The world is a beautiful place. And it's a scary place. And it's a difficult place. And there are times when I look at myself and all humans and I am struck by the truth of our nothingness and just how pathetic it is that we try to make ourselves seem smart or cool or in control. We are all bumbling and stumbling and searching and striving to make a little sense of the world and of our lives and to find a bit of happiness in a world that we have made quite a mess of. And the miracle is that we do find happiness and we do find hope and we do find love and peace and joy. It's a miracle that we function from day to day. It's a miracle that despite all the terrible things people have done to each other throughout history that we have continued and persevered and even thrived. It is a miracle that there always have been and continue to be people who let the facade fall from them and embrace their nothingness and in doing so bless the world with goodness and mercy and a vision of what we should be and could be and can be. I guess I don't think we all have to be Mother Teresa or drop everything and devote our lives to service; but I know I could do more. Couldn't we all do a little more? And how beautiful would it be to wake up in the morning and not pretend that we are smart or collected or prepared, but rather acknowledge that we are just trying day by day and moment by moment to make something of our lives and recognize that we are all the same and that none of us is any better than any other and take hands and lift each other and find that when we are just our little scared selves together we can become something great and we can see great changes occur in the world and love finally reign. Because we are not cool or super smart or really together or completely courageous. We're not fearless and we're not flawless. And pretending to be only divides us and pits us against each other in a fake battle which none of us ever really wins. But if we united in our imperfection we could find that when we place our different flaws together we fill in each others gaps and pick up each others slack, and we're all a little lighter. What is there to lose?

Maybe I'm crazy, but I really believe that.

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