A little of nothing

I should say something. I guess. Because it has been so long. Or because there are so many things to say (as usual). Or because I just want to.

And yet, despite all of that, about the only things I have to comment on are:

1. Teaching is really hard. Some days I feel okay about it. Some days I wish I had the internet set up at my apartment so I could start looking for a new gig.
2. I finally read the Hunger Games series, and despite a complete lack of confidence that I would be very impressed, I actually really enjoyed the books. They were interesting, well written and thought provoking. They were written for a young audience, obviously (though sometimes the gore was a bit much. I know, I'm sensitive.). So on a Young Adult Fiction scale from about a Twilight to a Harry Potter, they rank about a 7. Not bad at all. And I do recommend them to anyone who has held out like me. Worth the read.
3. As you may have guessed from #1, I am now in a new apartment. On my own. I really like it, though I am still not entirely moved in or unpacked. The biggest problem is cockroaches. I think I pretty much took care of that with some Raid Bug Barrier, but the thought of these prehistoric (are they really?) beasts has interrupted my normal life quite a bit. I have terrible thoughts of them crawling on my clothes and cups and plates and spoons which makes it hard for me to use or touch anything without compulsively washing the object and my hands repeatedly. I imagine the creatures waiting until my eyes are closed to crawl out of hidden spaces and walk on me during my sleep. I can't stand too near the sink when I wash my face, in case they sneak out of the drain or from the cupboards under the sink while I have my eyes tight shut to keep the soap out (even though I always check under there first), thus I get a lot of water on the floor trying to get the water to my face from more than an arms length away. I blast scalding water down the drain anytime I am going to take a shower, just as a precaution. When I get home I open the door from a good distance back and make a sweeping appraisal to make sure it's alright to enter. If I need to turn a light on I always look at the switch first to make sure there isn't a bug on the wall. And I don't enter any space without the lights. I will not be taken by surprise. I keep every drained closed at all times and periodically spay things with an extra layer of bug spray so that it never has the opportunity to wear off. If anything moves of makes a shadow I jump and flinch. And even though I haven't found any cockroaches dead or alive for several days, I open cupboards and move plates and bags and boxes slowly and from safe distances, to give myself time to run, if necessary. I hope to be able to relax again... someday.
4. I am feeling guilty about all the people I owe phone calls. I know it's not really new and I am generally bad at keeping in touch, but I have been especially guilty of this since I got back from Spain. Please forgive me.
5. I want to hike to Romero Pools. Soon.

There are probably more important things I should add, but since right now I should be planning what I am going to teach my class tomorrow, that's all for now, folks. I really love you a lot if you are still reading this abandoned blog :)

Time tricks

I told myself I needed to apply to jobs before I left Spain. Before I traveled. Before I got home. I wanted to be prepared. I wanted to be responsible. And I didn't really believe it would make any difference anyway.

In the back of my mind I had a plan. I would relax. Re-adjust. Unpack. And slowly dip my toes into working. Maybe I'd start part-time. I'd work at Bookmans and revel in the calm bookstore atmosphere, traipsing around between the bookshelves full of delightful used old books. I'd love it. And it would be relaxing and low-key. And I would just take it easy. Or something.

Little did I know that something else awaited me. A crazy whirlwind that would leave me less than 8 hours difference between the time my plane landed back home and the time I had to to work the next day. Little did I know that from that first day on I would be swamped with paperwork, planning, organizing,  preparing and arranging. Little did I know that being an elementary school teacher would put me in over my head more than I have ever been before. And I am in way over my head.

But I'm glad that's the way it turned out. I never saw myself as a 4th grade teacher. And I am not sure if I do even now. Yet, that's what I am, for the time being. And for the last three weeks I have been thrown into the midst of a new world. A world where everything is so simple and yet so unbearably complex all at once. Where every day there is something new. There is constantly something fabulously sweet or beautiful or valuable. And also something so utterly frustrating and incomprehensibly ridiculous I don't know how I am going to stand it. I reach the end of each day exhausted. I am asking everyone questions. I am searching for new answers and solutions, learning something I thought I knew all over again. Seeing everything from a new angle and trying to figure out what that means and how to deal with it.

And mostly, since I got back home, just 3 weeks ago, I am wondering why the days are shorter than ever before. How time seems to run out so quickly and why there is never never time for everything. Not nearly.

Of course, that really shouldn't surprise me. Time has always been the greatest trickster. So, I guess nothing is new after all. It's all just the same story over and over again.

And it's good to be back.

and miles to go...

I have a great deal to say, but I won't say much.. just now.

Only that most of my goodbyes have been said. My things are (almost) packed. Time is running short. And in just two days I will be boarding a plane bound for Tucson, AZ, blowing kisses to Spain, and feeling the tug of that piece my heart that is linked to this land forever.

Right now I feel the restlessness of wanting to jump ahead into the next phase of life awaiting me back home. And the heartache of having already completed (perhaps) another chapter in this little story of mine, and letting it go. And the fear of being in between--never really knowing what lies ahead or comes next. On the threshold, and somewhat in the dark.

But it's all beautiful. And I am happy. And grateful, too. Because I know that I am blessed, beyond what I could ever, ever deserve. 

And because tonight there is a warm summer storm blowing through Madrid, with fat globs-of-rain drops and silver flashing, sky cutting, bright-light lightning and deep, long rumblings of thunder. And it is too perfect. A summer storm. The kind of farewell I wouldn't have known to ask for, but that is exactly what I want.

So, thank you--for this time. For the things I've seen and experienced; the good and the bad. The places I have been, the things I have learned, all I have gained, even what I have lost. And, of course and most of all, for the people. Thank you forever for the friends, the family, the special souls who are, in truth, the greatest, most rewarding part of it all.

If I've (re)learned anything in Spain it is how much the people in my life mean to me. Those friends I have found here, the dear and wonderful people who have been there for me at home. This time has given me a greater understanding of the essential part these incredible people play in my life. And of just how grateful I should be. More than I am, I know. And more than I could say in a billion words, not to mention these few measly paragraphs.

But, anyway, what I really want to say now is, this it is. The end has come. It's been swell, Spain. And you know I'll miss you. I really will.

Hasta luego.

Nos vemos.

Goodbye.

for now.

On your mark... Get set...

Let the travels begin!

Wish me luck, adventures and serenity (because I'm a little nervous!! in addition to very excited!!).

First stop: Roma

PS. Please send good luck vibes

that I won't forget to charge my camera battery.

That's the WORST!

(Well, you know, of the

safe and alive

kind of problems.)

Belief in everyone

How much do most of us really know about other people's beliefs? How often do we generalize, stereotype and hold prejudices against certain groups of people for the things the believe, or don't believe in (or that we think they believe)?

If you ask me, too often. And it's sad.

On the blog FIXES from the New York Times, David Bornstein dedicated the latest article to an organization working to improve interfaith relations and dialogue. The Interfaith Youth Corps (IFYC) works with college students to "develop greater respect, comfort and appreciation for one another and their traditions." Bornstein, and the founders of IFYC, believe that in the United States we have embraced many forms of diversity and multiculturalism--we talk freely about race, sexual orientation, gender and ethnicity--but talking about people's cherished believes is still a sticking point. It's heated, taboo and often conversation on faith lacks real understanding, openness and respect.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (as most of you probably know). A Mormon. And that does define certain aspects of my life, my character and my worldviews. But I am still a unique person with a personal set of values and experiences and ideas, some of which relate to my religion and some of which do not. Like most people.

The thing is, when I know someone personally I usually have no problem with him or her and others don't seem to have a problem with me either, whatever our differences in faith (and other beliefs for that matter). On a personal and individual basis it doesn't seem like much of a problem to talk to, relate to or even have close relationships and friendships with people who believe differently. I have rarely experienced prejudice, intolerance or unkindness directly (though that is not true for all people, unfortunately). In my experiences, most people are able to talk to and respect individuals, but then can easily turn around and speak about other faiths, religious practices and beliefs in derogatory, limited and sometimes quite ignorant ways.

Where I see this most blatantly, is in the media (though among peers, coworkers, students, etc it happens too). In politics, of course, but also in TV shows and movies, religion and religious people are usually presented in very stereotypical ways. As a group of semi-ubiquitous characters with the occasional distressed questioner/doubter/outsider. But the reality isn't that way. As Bornstein says, "The worst thing society can do is to continue what it’s doing today: allowing attitudes to be shaped by the shrillest voices, the voices of intolerance, political expedience and xenophobia. 'If we don’t talk openly about faith and bring people from different traditions together, we forfeit the conversation to people who are happy to build barriers.'”

Reading about IFYC, I love the idea. It is true that we are only going continue increasing in diversity and we need to know how to deal with that. David D. Putnam, a political scientist who studies diversity and community, says it clearly: “It’s not just the presence of diversity in your neighborhood [that is important]. You’ve got to actually be doing things with other people in which you have a personal attachment. Diversity is hard, not easy.”

So IFYC helps push this  along by starting interfaith service projects, discussions and activities based on common values. As one Muslim student from Georgetown University explained, "Interfaith work isn’t about watering down our religion and coming to some consensus about things. . . . It’s about building relationships so we can together serve others.”

In the world we live in today, it is important to recognize that no one person, group or religion can succeed alone. If we want to make better communities, nations and ultimately a better world it means working together. And that has nothing to do with being in agreement, whether it is religion, politics or otherwise. There will always be differences. Always. It means knowing how to understand, respect and work with others in productive ways. It means being open to new ideas and it means knowing how to see people as individuals with value, no matter what their background.

One student said,  “it’s important to remind [students] that they don’t have to speak for their whole religion. They’re just there to talk about their faith or beliefs in a personal way.” What more can any of us do? What more can we expect from our neighbors and friends and acquaintances? And why don't we do more of that?

Recently I met a girl, a friend of a friend, while on a trip. She and I started a conversation in which we talked a little about our religious beliefs. She's Catholic and, as I said, I'm Mormon. We talked about things that were important to us about our faiths. We discussed why we choose to practice our religions. In all, it was a wonderful experience for me and I gained a great deal of respect for her and her personal faith. One thing she said to me, as we were talking, that stood out then and even more now, was, "Why is it so hard to talk about religion?" She said it was often uncomfortable to discuss faith among friends and acquaintances, and I have to say, I agree with her. And it shouldn't be that way.

If we want to gain greater love and respect for others, we have to be willing to share as well as to listen. And do so with openness and respect. As I said before, in my experience when religion is brought up I have rarely, if ever, had a negative experience. But it is true that it is often a topic we tiptoe around. Lets not! For most of us, our faith (whatever form it takes) is important to us, and there is nothing wrong with talking about it!

Interfaith travel... you've gotta try it! :)

Advise me, dear people.

Away I Go!

Next Wednesday I leave Spain for a few weeks of pure adventuring! I'm heading to Italy and France (and maybe squeezing in a bit of Greece...) and then back to Northern Spain. I'll be spending the greater part of my time traversing Italy. I have some things planned and I'm quite excited. But for those of you with some traveling under your belts, any suggestions?? Places I can't miss, great food to try, nice hostels, travel secrets, etc. Anything you've got! I'm trusting in your expertise :)

Mil gracias!

How nightmares become reality

This morning I couldn't find my hairbrush, which is weird, since I am usually so organized and tidy and have everything in its place. (Former roommates, no comments please!) Then I saw it sitting on the table. As I went to grab it, I yanked my hand back with sudden shock as my brain recalculated the situation--comb/scissors/hair/disaster!! Turns out, instead of a green hair comb it was my green-handled pair of scissors. Even first thing in the morning, that's the kind of detail you can't let yourself overlook!

Now, hopefully I am not so spacey that I would actually try to comb my hair with a pair of scissors. But the experience was especially disconcerting because I had just woken up from a strange dream... like most dreams, I guess.... Last night in my dream I got this really great new job (I have no idea what it was, but in my dream, I was thrilled.). Unfortunately the next day I was certain I was going to get fired because somehow I had a really horrible haircut, and I didn't know how it happened. I just remember trying to hide my lopsided bangs from my boss, as we were talking face to face, knowing all along that I was doomed!

I hope that I will ever get fired from a job over my haircut (or wake up someday looking like a preschooler mistook my head for an art project. Or like I confused my hairbrush with a pair of scissors... who does that?), but still, the coincidence of having a hair "nightmare" and then brush with disaster seemed like kind of a freaky coincidence.

Even freakier, I also dreamed this week that I went home to see a friend who was getting married. We were on our way for me to meet the fiance when my friend commented that she had just met his other wife, who was "super nice." "Oh, so he's divorced?" I asked. "No." My friend replied, giving me a puzzled look, completely unphased by the fact that she was about to enter into matrimony with an already married man. In fact, no one in my dream seemed the least bit concerned with the situation. It was like everyone had suddenly gone crazy. I was the only sane one left. I knew I had to take things into my own hands! I met the guy, and he seemed nice enough. And I thought to my(dream)self, "He's a sweet guy. It's a pity I'm going to have to ruin his wedding. I hope my friends don't hate me forever for this!" I had no plan, but I had my certainty--THIS WEDDING MUST BE DESTROYED!

Dreams.... to be honest, I hope most of mine never come true!