02 June 2012

JUNE-time!

This photo is a representation of my feelings about June, but was not, however, actually taken in June. Give me a break. It's only been two days!

It's June. I love June. There are many reasons I could give, but in all honesty I love it most of all because June is my birthday month. I have no special claim on the month, I know. There are lots of people with June birthdays. Yet, I always feel like it is my month. A month of beautiful things, hopes and wishes and fresh starts.

This June, in twenty-five days, I will turn 25.

The thing is, I am really happy to turn 25. Some people make me feel like 25 is a big deal--I should feel "old," or worried about what I have (and have not) accomplished or where I am going or when I will get married or have kids, etc. And I confess, those thoughts cross my mind from time to time. From that point of view there is a lot someone could point to as "not enough." I don't have a great job, a husband or kids, a boyfriend, a master's degree. I'm not in school and in three weeks I won't have a job any more either. I am still not sure what I want to do with my life or where I will end up. But I am content. I'm happy. I have thought things over and I feel fantastic about my life thus far. That's not to say that there aren't a lot more things I want to do and that there isn't a LOT of progress I want to make, but so what? I'm working on it.

A few things that help me feel great about this coming landmark:

  1. It really is about the journey, not the destination. Clich√© but true. Even though I haven't accomplished any great and wonderful things yet (and maybe I never will) and even though the things I have done have been small, they have been important to me. I have chosen my path the best I could according to my goals and values and dreams, even though I often did so without knowing where I would end up. Of course there is more I could have done and things I missed along the way. But in all, I have had more than my fair share of loveliness so far in life. And I am so very grateful.
  2. Being single doesn't scare me. It used to. But the older I get and the more dating (and dating-like) experiences I have, the more I realize that I am completely okay being on my own. I want to get married and have a family. But if that doesn't come along, or if it takes a long time, I am not worried. I have plenty to do in the meantime. I am happy and I am never lacking wonderful people in my life who are there for me when I need them. So while I will be overjoyed if/when the right person comes along, I am in no rush, and I'm not worried about it. (at least right now)
  3. My life is full of incredible blessings. And most of them have come in the form of truly wonderful people. My family and friends fill my life with joy and security and hope. They lift me up and they believe in me. I am not worried about disappointing them or letting them down, because they have proven to me that they are there for me no matter what. I know I can trust them.
  4. Life is unexpected, unsettling and completely wonderful. Life cannot be planned. It will always surprise you. There are great moments and difficult ones, but so far the balance in my life has always tilted towards astonishingly beautiful. I know that I can trust God to lead me where I need to go and to provide not only everything I need, but also many unforeseeable and completely breathtaking moments along the way.
  5. I don't want my life to be the same as anyone else's, so I have no need to compare my life to other people's.
  6. I decided a few years ago that I won't feel old until I'm at least 60. So don't expect me to freak out when I turn 30 or 40 or 50 either. These days, that's young! I have no intention of wasting valuable time worrying about my age. I can't go backwards, I can only go forwards. As long as I am enjoying life and making progress I don't see why it matters how old I am anyway!
So, happy birthday month to me (and a bunch of other fabulous people too!!!). I am hoping to really love my last few weeks being 24. And anyone with advice for how to make the coming year even better, fire away!

A happy June to one and all!

ps. all that said,
I reserve the right to feel
nervous and freaked out and self conscious and like my life is out of control
at any given moment.
It happens.
But in general, I feel great!

6 comments:

Chelsea said...

Kendal, you are such an uplifting person! I loved reading this post. I hope you have an amazing birthday month! I'm grateful for your friendship and your inspiration in my life :)

Chelsea said...

P.S. I LOVE that photo!

ktb said...

Thanks Chels! And right back at you!! LOVE YOU!!!

dana rose said...

Love this, and love the disclaimer. Kendal, you shoud know that you are an amazing, affable, brilliant, beautiful, delightful woman independent of anything you achieve or accomplish. Independent of whatever chapter of life you are in. I love you because you are the lovely Kendal you are. Thank you for being alive and in my life.

(I loved the disclaimer at the end! Here's to the cycles and rounds and ups and downs in our lives and in ourselves.)

bridgetoterrabithia said...

you speak to me. to all the things I believe but could never verbalize. And I think you have accomplished A LOT. you have had a few incredible jobs, graduated BYU, made many tough decisions, seen so many cultures and countries, and influenced a whole of host of people for good. I'd guess it can only get better. Cheers to turning 25:)

Vanna said...

Ditto to all those more eloquent than me above. I just had to say you are such an inspiring person and I feel so lucky to have you in my life! And I hope you have an AMAZING time traveling around EU but I have to say, can't wait to have you back in AZ! :)